Fogpaw

Note: Fogpaw is a deceased character. He has no significance in the general storyline of A Better Way, and is only important in the backstories of Wingbreak and Stoatthroat. I mean, he showed up and talked to Brokenslip once. Does that count?

Name- Fogpaw

Gender- Tom

Clan- FallClan (formerly), StarClan

Rank- Apprentice (at death)

Family- Wingbreak (mother), Stoatthroat (father), Bramblethorn and Stagheart (brothers), Swallowfrost and Sun (nieces, technically), Rock and Brokenslip (nephews, technically)

Friends- nope, he never had any of those

Enemies- ha ha ha ha, no

Appearance
Fogpaw was a very small tom with thick, ruffled white fur, mottled with patches of light silver and beige. He had pale green eyes. He also had a bunch of weird health issues when he was alive, like asthma, epilepsy, etc, so he used to look really frail and sort of pathetic. But he seems healthier now that he's dead. Wow, what a strange sentence.

Personality
I'm too lazy to really fill this out, but he was generally just sort of chill and reserved. Sad boi. He kept all of his feelings to himself and had a tendency to take things the wrong way when they were directed at him - but when it came to other cats, he was always very understanding and thoughtful.

Pre-Death
Fogkit was born to Wingbreak and Stoatthroat in FallClan. He had two brothers, Bramblekit and Stagkit. He was a very shy and polite kit, and never spent much time with his siblings or even outside of the nursery. He preferred to stay curled up with his mother whenever he could, listening to stories she told him and generally just taking comfort in her presence. He was an odd kit, always thinking of things in odd ways. He was scared of thunderstorms and hated the heat. That, of course, was normal - but it wasn't a natural fear for Fogkit. It really felt wrong to him. Being too warm or seeing flashing lights seemed to physically hurt him. That was something that his family couldn't wrap their heads around.

By the time he was three moons old, it had already become apparent that he had several strange health issues - he would sometimes have sudden seizures or be unable to breathe for a brief period of time. It baffled the medicine cats at the time, and Fogkit was mostly just juggled between the nursery and the medicine den for several moons. Bramblekit and Stagkit would pick on him for it - all in fun, with no malicious intentions - but to Fogkit, it hurt all the same. He wanted to become a strong warrior with a drive to serve his Clan. But at the rate he was going, he knew he couldn't. And with all of the trouble he was causing his Clanmates, he didn't really feel like he deserved to.

On the day of his apprenticeship ceremony, Fogkit was more than nervous - terrified, really - and right when he and his brothers were called outside, he started having a pretty severe panic attack. He retreated into the medicine den and missed his own ceremony, watching in shame through the entrance as Bramblepaw and Stagpaw received their new names. He noticed that none of his Clanmates - save for his parents - were even looking in his direction. He understood that they all cheered for his brothers, seeing strong and bright young cats with their whole futures ahead of them - but when they looked at him, they only saw a faint shadow. There was no hope for him. He'd believed that himself for several moons already, but realizing that his Clan believed it too was a breaking point.

Fogpaw was officially made into an apprentice right afterwards, once he'd calmed down - but as he'd anticipated, the celebration seemed to be more muted. He felt no excitement whatsoever upon moving out of the nursery. He was going to miss sitting with his mother and perfectly amounting to everyone's low expectations of him. Wingbreak and Stoatthroat acted cheerful and proud of him, but he knew how they really felt. They knew his brothers would best him in everything. They knew he was a worthless failure of a Clan cat. He could see it clearly in the anxious glances they kept exchanging - and what, did they think he didn't notice? They must've thought he was stupid, too. Maybe they were right.

Fogpaw did the very best he could for three moons. His best wasn't enough. He caught every mild sickness that came his way. He'd break into seizures or asthma attacks at the worst times. He never managed to catch a single fish without help, and he lost every training battle he participated in. He was miserable. He at first tried cutting himself off from his parents and his brothers - the cats who, by not actively excluding him, ended up making him feel the worst. But they kept finding ways to get to him, and he gave it up. He became resigned to what was happening - he was a burden and he deserved it, after all. But even so, a small voice in the back of his mind just wanted it to end. And as it all piled up, that tiny voice grew louder - until it was screaming each time it spoke to him.

At nine moons old, he killed himself. He couldn't take it anymore. Late one night, he snuck out of the apprentices' den and to the edge of the camp. He'd never been able to swim properly, so he took the stepping stones to one of the farthest islands that was still in FallClan territory - he wanted to hide himself away as he did it, unable to bear being in plain view, even if there was no one to watch. He'd brought with him a few stalks of water hemlock - delicate white flowers, seemingly innocent enough. But with all of the time he'd spent in the medicine den, he'd memorized each poison and knew how to recognize them. Water hemlock was lethal and would kill within minutes of consumption. And that was his goal. Wanting to get it over with quickly, he swallowed as much of it as he could in a few seconds. It took a bit longer than he'd anticipated for the toxins to start settling in, though - and at first, Fogpaw thought he might've brought the wrong plant, and was torn between disappointment and relief - but then it came into effect. It was fast and only somewhat painful. He died before having much of a chance to figure out what was happening.

Post-Death
Fogpaw vibed in StarClan for a while and ended up regretting what he'd done. He met Bramblethorn and Stagheart when they joined him in StarClan, and before Stagheart died, he spent a bit of time watching over his two dead kits - Sun and Rock - who had made it to StarClan due to having no other ties. All of Fogpaw's health problems were fixed in StarClan, so he ended up just being this sort of quiet and melancholy dude in the corner, just as invisible as he had been in life. But that was how it had been when he'd ended it - so it was fair. Fogpaw knew that.

One on occasion, he visited his nephew Brokenslip in a dream. Brokenslip was having similar problems as Fogpaw - he'd tried to let himself die once as an apprentice, and an injury on his leg prevented him from being of much use to FallClan. So Fogpaw drifted down just to be like, "yo. suicide bad. don't do it" and then peaced out.

He hasn't done anything else notable and I doubt he ever will again.

Trivia

 * Not to be confused with Fogkit, another small dead child.
 * That backstory is... probably the most depressing thing I (Starling) have ever typed.

Quotes
-

"Mom? (...) What happens when we die?"

-

Fogpaw: "We haven't met, but you know me, yes?"

Brokenslip: "I do, Fogpaw."

Fogpaw: "And I know you. Better than you'd think."

-

"In a moment of grief and thoughtlessness, you did something you couldn’t take back. It hurt you and it hurt those around you, and as a consequence, you had to live with the knowledge of what you’d tried to do. You’re trapped in that moment now and you feel worthless because of it. Being alive makes no sense, does it, Brokenslip?"

-

"Beautiful blossoms, lethal toxins. It was the middle of the night and I was angry. I was upset at the world and I didn't think I cared anymore. I was enough of a coward to swallow, and to swallow again. Before I could begin to have second thoughts, it was too late."